Date: 2017-11-10 05:57 am (UTC)
thnidu: gold sculpture of a "thumbs up" gesture (thumbs up)
From: [personal profile] thnidu
Excellent!
Two suggestions, one for grammar/idiom and one for scansion:

Line 2: make of me a fool

Last line of verses: The (DUM-dum) printer spool
Some appropriate word with that stress pattern. I don't think you want "goddamn", much less "fucking", but that's the rhythm the line calls for.
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