Lingonberry Bones

[kjn]

This one is a really old filk of mine, written while I was a regular of the rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan newsgroup, for the Path of Plots plot contest, in 1997 or 1998 (the newsgroup held plot contests before several of Robert Jordan's books were published, this one was for Path of Daggers.

It's a spoof of Povel Ramel's song Lingonben (the linked version is the one I grew up with), which in itself was a spoof of inane children's songs.

It's also one of my few filks in English.

F         Dm        Gm       C
Bluff and Spark and Narg and Quark
F        Gm        C
names of six small trollocs.
E        F7       F           Bbm
One were glad and one smelled bad
    F        C      F
and one were really stupid.
A7                Dm
"Hi" said Narg to little Quark
D                       Gm
"Have you met the great Myrddraal?
A7               Dm
He who have been in Shayol Ghul."
E7                A7
Yes, it's hard to miss him.
F
Do you see Demandred's toes
                   C
when he's swimming in the Bore
F        F7       Bb    Bbm
Trip and trap and treepy
F        C        F
Hear the Dark One snoring!

Mazrim Taim in tower black
sourer than a lemon.
It's real cold going back
'cause someone stole his pants.
Sweet and wet is the hawk
Falcon dislikes Perrin's gawk
"That's the whitecloak that I want!"
Now should Olver bathe.
Dig and carry all day long
my fiance is down below
Hip and hap and hoopla
The wonderhorse is Bela!

Whitest tower in the world
Now is really quiet.
Noone there dare say a word
The warders are on strike.
Aviendha and Elayne
Come lets tease Rand insane
You want one, you get a crowd
Someone fetch the oil.
Verin is trying to take a nap
A yellow plays on Lan's lap
Gawyn's having wet dreams
When will Jordan finish?